Fa La La La La

I finished most of my Christmas shopping today. After two stores I was exhausted. I'm old.

I pretty satisfied with what I found though. Most of the time I'm not sure If I'm getting things people will actually like, but today I think I did good.

I think I'm going to try to find some ribbon candy. My father loved ribbon candy. He was the only one in the family who did.

I finished my decorating on Monday. I didn't do too much this year. I haven't been in the Christmas mood too much this year, but my nieces and nephews will be coming over and they'll expect something. My 11 month old nephew saw the tree today. He was fascinated to see a tree in a house.

Thinking of Dad

It would have been a good day for my father. It's the first day of hunting season here in Maine, something he always eagerly anticipated. This year he would have had the added bonus of coming home, having a few beers and then watching his beloved Red Sox crush the Rockies in the World Series. It would have been a good day for Dad.

Fall

Autumn is a prettier word for it, but Fall is more appropriate.
Winter is a deep dark valley.
In Spring everything ascends
Summer is the peak.
In fall everything descends.

Fall is beautiful but sad.
The leaves shimmer in their new reds, golds and oranges.
The air is crisp and clean.
But you know.
You know that everything is falling.
The trees will sleep.
The air will freeze.
The dark will come.

The Joys of Home Ownership

Failing furnance

Peeling paint

Mold & mildew

Wobbly windows

Growing grass

Reeking rugs

Sagging stairs

Monthly mortgage

Remembering My Dad

As I wrote in the previous entry, my father died on July 9. I haven't felt like writing anything personal since, but now I want to take some time to write about things I remember about him, but couldn't keep it together enough to say at the funeral.

My father has always loved baseball. He was a lifelong baseball fan and kept track of them right up to the end. He also loved playing baseball. When my sisters and I were young, during his free time he would go out in the road and find a straight stick in order to hit rocks. I used to try to do this when I was little, without much success. I aslo remember going to watch him play with the local teams. I don't remember how well he did at fielding, but I remember he was a good hitter.



We once had this little dog named Scruffy. My Dad loved Scruffy, who went everywhere with him. One day Scruffy got hit by a truck and my Dad took him to the vet. This may not seem extraordinary to most people, but my father never brought pets to the vets, only farm animals. Scruffy died and that was the first time I remember my Dad crying.

We didn't have a lot of money when I was young, but Dad always made sure we go places. We often went to the pond near our house, and we used to go for ice cream.

my father died

Tired and Depressed

I haven't written in awhile. I really don't feel like writing now, but I know if I don't I'll be less likely to write again. I've just been tired and depressed latey. I hate change and everything seems to be changing lately. On the plus side, summer is finally here, and the flowers are blooming. My roses are starting to go by, but the lilies are out. (There, that was my lame attempt to be positive.)

Maybe I'll try to write something more interesting tomorrow.

Grumpy & Tired (Tired & Grumpy?)

I'm annoyed with my neighbor. I never wanted to become the crotchety old lady who complains about every noise the neighbor makes, but right now I don't care. It's a long story, involving loud music, shot chants, fights, the destruction of one of my solar lights and a fire set by fight losers, and I'm too tired to tell it, but last night was the last straw. I've never called the police on anyone, and my policy has been not to do so unless someone or something was in danger, but I might start. (Although this view my change once I get some sleep.) I've decided to embrace my inner crotchety old lady, so the next time you see someone in front of her house, waving her fist and telling those pesky kids to stay off her lawn, that could be me.

Obligatory Post

I haven't written in awhile, so although I'm not much in the mood for writing today, I'm going to because every time I make excuses for not writing, it gets easier to talk myself out of it the next time. (And the award for run-on sentence goes to...)

It has finally warmed up here. (Yeah!) It's surprising how quickly things have turned green. It's like the trees and other plants new they were behind and grew faster to catch up. I thought I would get a couple of weeks extra before I had to start mowing the lawn, but no.

I'll be watching the last "Survivor" tonight. I'm rooting for Yauman or Earl, but the winner is seldom who I want it to be.

Life & Death & Freedom of Speech

A lot has happened since my last post, both for me personally and in the world. The big thing that happened in my personal world is that we found out that my Dad has cancer, and that it's too far advanced to do anything but slow its progress a little. Everyone knows that it's probable that they'll outlive their parents, but that doesn't make it any easier when the time comes. When we're children we tend to think that are parents are invincible, when we're teens we tend to think we're invincible, but as we age and our friends and loved ones start to fade, we all realize how "vinicible" we all are. I sometimes wish I never had to learn that.

On a lighter note, it looks as if spring has finally gotten here. I started to despair of that when we kept getting snowstorm after snowstorm this month. Shown is a picture taken on April 6th. Last year at this time I was worried that I would have to start mowing the grass in April; this year I worried that I would never see the grass in April. But it has been warm for three whole days now, and the snow is receding. I'd wish for some rain to clear the rest of the snow away, but it would probably snow instead.

In national news, there were two recent events that brought the issue of free speech to the forefront.
The first was the firing of Imus. I can understand why people are worried that Imus was fired for something he said, but I personally don't think its a free speech worried. Freedom of speech doesn't mean that one is free to say whatever they want without consequence. Imus wasn't arrested for what he said, he was fired.

The second event was NBC's airing of video sent to them by the Virginia Tech shooter. This is a much more complicated situation and I have conflicted feelings about it because I can see both sides of the issue. If I was NBC, I think I would have reluctantly made the decision to air the video, but not two days after the shooting. Airing it right now when emotions are so high puts too much emphasis on the shooter when the emphasis should be on the victims, like the professor who barred the door so his students could escape. I would have waited at least a month, probably more, and then I would have aired it only once or twice, not incessantly like they are doing now. But I'm not a corporation aiming to make money, and I'm sure this brought in a lot of ratings for NBC and MSNBC. I know I tuned in.

I don't want to end this post on such a down note, so my last paragraph is going to be about life. I have a nephew, Roger, who is almost 4 months old now. He's at that age when he's starting to become aware of things for the first time, and it's nice to be reminded that there was a time when everything was fascinating, even ceilings and our own toes.

Good-bye Teri & Ian

I just finished watching "The Amazing Race" and was sorry to see Teri and Ian go. They were one of my favorites because they did the challenges without complaining and they weren't too full of themselves. Unlike Mirna, who saw her and Charla's win last week as a step forward for short and skinny people. We all know how oppressed the skinny are in this society. Poor Mirna, not only does she have to carry most of the burden for her team, but she has to live every day being thin. My heart bleeds.

Writing For Writing's Sake

I haven't written anything for awhile, so I have to write something. This isn't going to be a brilliant post (all the others are, of course), but at least it's something. I've been in a rut lately, so either there hasn't been much to write about, or I've been too depressed. Maybe now that the days are getting longer (I can't wait for the time change) and warmer (knock on keyboard) I'll start feeling better. Now, just because I can, I'm adding a picture of one of my cats, Kid. Some day I'll write more about him and my other cats (I know you can't wait.)

Winter, Who Needs It?

Is winter over yet?
I'm tired of the dark
I'm tired of the cold
I'm tired of the snow.
Is winter over yet?

An Auction Day (And A Tired One)

I'm tired today, but I'm not going to use that as an excuse for not writing again. So, don't expect anything brilliant today. (I know, everything else I've written gives one cause to think I'm a genius.) I went to an auction today. I like auctions, but usually things I want go for too much, or things are a good deal and I end up buying a bunch of junk I don't need. Today was a junk day. I did buy a nice vase (for which I paid more than I planned), and I bought a box lot which had an old Frisbie's Pies plate. The pie plate was interesting, because though I've heard the story about the origins of Frisbees, I've never seen one of the originals. (They look like normal pie tins.) I'm very parenthesis-y today. That's probably because that's how I think (always qualifying things), and today I'm too tired to hide the clutter that is my brain.

Cowardly Poetry

I've written poems for my last two post. It's a bit of a cowardly thing, because that way I don't have to write anything personal, but I also forgot how fun it is to write poetry. And, as an added plus, it doesn't even have to be good poetry, because I'm just writing it for myself. It's rather freeing and hopefully, it will make me less afraid to write of other things.

The Wind Has Been Blowing

The wind has been blowing.
It takes the snow with it, causing a constant snow storm.
The snow drifts in roadways and driveways, making Northern Maine look like a white desert.

The wind has been blowing.
It rattles the windows and doors
And rearranges the items on my porch.

The wind has been blowing.
It seeps in under my coat and scarf, stealing all warmth.
It freezes my contact lenses, making halos around lights.

A Quick Post

A quick post
Nothing to say
So I'm on may way
(have a nice day)

A Hurdle

My second post! This is quite a hurdle for me given that I usually don't follow up on these types of things. The only problem - I have no idea what to write. That's what happens when you stop writing for a long time. So, for this entry at least I'm just going to ramble.

I didn't realize how hard this is for me. I don't like writing about personal things, even if I'm 100% sure no one else is reading it. I had written something about my day here, but then had second thoughts and erased it. I'm going to have to take this slowly and just start writing about more non personal things and hope it gets easier.

Right now I'm watching "Cold Case." When I first started watching the show a couple of years ago, I really liked it, because it explores the personal lives of the victims more than other procedurals. Now I get frustrated with the show a lot, because they always solve the cases through testimonial evidence, and it always ends with the murderer confessing to the crime. I mostly watch the show now because there's nothing else on to watch, and it was on after "The Amazing Race." I just started watching that show this year. I didn't think I'd like it as much as I did. I like it when the contestants get lost, because it makes me glad it's not me. I HATE getting lost. I was rooting for the Cho brothers, but I always knew they were too nice to win. After they left the show, I really didn't care that much who won, except that I was glad it wasn't the blonds.

Introduction

This is my first post -and possibly my last given my track record. As an introduction, I'd like to explain why I'm starting this blog and why I named it Fear of Everything.
I'm starting this blog for several reasons. One is that I want to start writing again. I used to love to write, but I stopped a long time ago and it's hard to get started again. I think starting this blog will be an easy, no pressure way to get started again. So, besides writing about my thoughts and life, I may also post some fiction and poetry.
Now, on to the name of my blog. It comes from the Charlie Brown Christmas cartoon, the scene where Lucy is asking Charlie Brown if has any phobias. She lists several different phobias, the last one which means fear of everything. When she lists that one, Charlie Brown yells "That's it!"
I've always identified with that part of the cartoon. This blog is a small effort on my part to stop being afraid of some things, like sharing of myself and public criticism.